The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Randomize
