when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
