College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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