What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
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