You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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