You're my little dorito
Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
