Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
i think my cat just said my name.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Randomize
