I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Randomize
