I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
