Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
Randomize
