eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
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