she looked like the bat from fern gully.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Randomize
