i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
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