i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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