Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Randomize
