garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
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