you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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