I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
I licked your asshole in confidence.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
