But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
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