i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
