we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
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