what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
false alarm, still single
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
