And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
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