i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
