mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
