i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
