My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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