Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Randomize
