So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
