You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
