my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Randomize
