The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
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