No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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