For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
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