You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
