Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
