hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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