Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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