No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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