The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
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