his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize