And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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