I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
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