Im at strip club and am horny
I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Randomize
