I think scott just propositioned me for sex
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just used a chaser for red wine.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
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