Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Then you guys just all showered together...?
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Randomize
