Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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