Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
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