Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
