Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
