i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Randomize
