I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Randomize
