If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Randomize
