So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
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