went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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