just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
