I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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