i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
