there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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