If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Randomize