You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Randomize
