I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
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