I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
