My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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