if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Randomize
