What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
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