what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Randomize
