Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Randomize
