I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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