she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
