one might say we're banned from that church
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
