Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Randomize
