as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Randomize
